


Siege

by BadAtPennames



Series: Entrenched [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eren is somewhat less oblivious, M/M, Minor Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Pining Levi, Smut, WWI setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-01-08 04:58:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadAtPennames/pseuds/BadAtPennames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi manages to avoid a confession to Eren that leads to a mutually beneficial agreement.  It goes well until it doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Uchiha_Riddle](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Uchiha_Riddle/profile) for being my beta!

Levi and Eren were on rotation at the rear of the trench, which was outside of the trench itself and their duties consisted primarily of running meals and supplies to the soldiers on rotation within the trenches.  In no way did that stop Eren from wandering to the front whenever there was an attack or getting himself on the trench expansion.  It was obvious to Levi that the younger soldier was one of those people who were incapable of sitting still.  The kid threw himself into whatever he was doing, often losing sense of the world around him because of it. 

It often made him late.

Levi was somewhat surprised, therefore, when he walked around a corner with two tin cups of joe to find Eren already waiting for him.  Oddly enough, as soon as the younger soldier realized he wasn’t alone, he began making a series of jerking, twisting movements, and Levi thought he heard the sound of paper being crumpled.

He stopped to stare, steam rising around his face from the hot coffee, watching as Eren tried his very best to look nonchalant.  He failed miserably, but Levi supposed the younger soldier could be given points for effort.  Of course, if effort actually mattered, Eren would have won the war single-handedly by now and they’d all be back in their hometowns.

“What are you doing?”

Eren actually jumped guiltily.  Levi raised a single eyebrow at him.

“I, uh…” The kid took a breath and let it out before pulling out the slightly crumpled sheet from behind his back.

“It’s a letter.”

“Yeah… I’m not actually sure why I tried to hide it.  It’s just sort of… embarrassing.”  Eren’s face flushed as he finished speaking and Levi could only guess what the letter might say.

“Who’s it from?”

“Mikasa.”

Levi had heard that name before and as he recalled, he really didn’t like hearing it.  From what he’d gathered, Mikasa was a nurse that frequently wrote Eren letters.  The older man wondered what sort of girl she was, since her correspondence often caused Eren to color up in the face and become irritated afterwards, like he had an itch under his skin.

Eren himself never said much about her, but the amount of mail the kid received from her coupled with his reactions when he read the letters, spoke all the words Eren wouldn’t. 

When Eren spoke her name it crawled up Levi’s skin and slid down his throat in a thick lump to settle biliously at the pit of his stomach.  Levi hated Mikasa. 

With a wordless frown on his face, Levi held out a tin cup to Eren. 

They drank their coffee in a somewhat tense silence, Levi quietly fuming to himself while Eren soaked in his residual embarrassment.  The older man felt a prickling compulsion to take some sort of action, but what, he had no idea.

***

Levi walked up to Keith Shadis.  The man was overseeing the expansion of the trench to the east, where only two soldiers could fit in the narrow corridor and dig without hitting each other with shovels at a time.  The soil they removed was carted back to a large open u-shaped area where more men were using it to fill sandbags.  Periodically more soldiers would show up carrying lumber, placing it wherever there was room until it could be used to make revetments or dugouts.

“I need Yeager,” Levi said.

Shadis turned to look at him, eyes sunken deep into his face.  He looked as though he never slept and was sustained solely off of the fear from others.  Fortunately, the younger soldiers were terrified of him, so he would never starve.

“Will he be coming back?”

“No.”

Shadis’ expression did not change.  Levi had personally never seen the man look anything other than _deadly_ serious.

“Yeager!”

The sound of a shovel clattering to the ground was quickly followed by the thuds of footsteps and then the appearance of a particularly filthy soldier arrived in front of them, stopping at attention.

Levi noted that Eren appeared to have had a sandbag overturned on top of his head.  Whether that was actually the case or if the young man had naturally gotten that dirty probably depended on whether or not he had been working alongside one Jean Kirschtein.

“Grab your gear and go with Levi.”

Eren nodded, flicked his eyes over to Levi’s briefly and disappeared.  That split-second of eye contact was enough to send a jolt through the older man.

A moment later, Eren returned, rifle in hand, helmet tucked under his arm and looking at Levi expectantly.  Without a word, the older man began to walk away, raising his hand and beckoning with two fingers for Eren to follow.

“What’s going on?” the kid asked once he had fallen into step with Levi.

“You’re going to want to get yourself cleaned up.”

“Why?”

“We’re going into town.”

Levi didn’t realize that Eren’s eyes could get that big.  Or his smile quite that wide.

“How’d you pull that off?”

“I put in a request with Erwin.  It’s only for a couple of days, but if you don’t hurry, we’re going to miss our ride.”

They made a quick stop so Eren could grab his knapsack and then headed towards the rear.  Once they had climbed out of the trench, Levi headed over to one of the cooks.  A moment later he returned with a pot of water.

“It’s warm.  At least get some of the dirt off your face,” he said, handing it to Eren before digging a handkerchief out of his pocket and holding it out to the kid.

The younger soldier gave himself a quick sponge bath before pouring away the dirtied water.  It wasn’t as helpful as Levi had hoped but he took the pot and brought it back to the cook.

“So what’s our ride?” Eren asked when Levi rejoined him.

“A truck brought in some supplies about thirty minutes ago.  Once he’s done unloading, we can sit in the back.”

Levi and Eren wound their way through the bustling supply hub of the trenches.  There had apparently been an entire supply convoy that had come in that morning.  So, all around them, soldiers that had their rotation in the rear of the trench that week were helping to unload trucks and carts.  Supply officers were calling out where to put the crates and boxes as people shuffled in and out of tents.

Eventually they reached a stake-bed truck that was nearly emptied out of the back.  Levi climbed up into the back, set his knapsack down and started handing packages to Eren, who set them down on the ground off to the side.  A couple of other soldiers took them away to parts unknown.

“If you need to use the latrine, now is your chance,” Levi said.

“I’m fine.  Say, is it true you only use the latrines back here on the reserve?”

“They’re the least disgusting back here.”

Eren gave a short bark of laughter before climbing up to sit next to Levi. 

“There’s a few more coming, then we can be on our way,” the driver of the truck said, walking up to them.

“How many?” Levi asked.

“Four or five.”

Levi nodded, then dug into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.  He withdrew one and held the pack out to Eren.  The younger soldier took one and cradled it between his lips while Levi looked for his matches.

Some shuffling at the back of the truck suddenly caught Eren’s attention and he watched as a knapsack flew up into the bed followed by a soldier with a shaved head and wide grin.

“Hey Connie!  How goes it?” Eren asked.

“At the moment, couldn’t be better.  A few days out of here, a shower, hot food, maybe a girl… I would probably be okay with dying after.”

Eren laughed.

A minute later three more soldiers climbed up and settled themselves into the back. 

“Is that everyone?” the truck driver asked.

“There’s one more coming,” Connie said before shooting an apologetic glance to the other side of the truck bed, “Sorry, Eren.”

“What… why?”

Before Connie could answer, Jean Kirschtein clambered over the side and sat down.

Levi found himself wishing he was deaf for the trip.

It wasn’t a comfortable ride.  Despite how slowly the driver went to navigate the bumpy road, each unexpected pothole caused an unpleasant jar.  It took a little over an hour before they finally arrived.

The town itself had grown exponentially since the war broke out.  It had started as little more than a village, but it had been built along a prominent road and was close to the river, making it an ideal position to hold.  With the army requiring a continuous supply of resources, war profiteers and tradesmen had moved in looking to support themselves.  Buildings were constantly being constructed with no mind paid to the war on its doorstep.

The driver stopped the truck in the town square, allowing the soldiers to climb out and mill about with their packs for a moment, the sights and sounds of real civilization now foreign and overwhelming. 

Levi grabbed Eren’s elbow and began to drag him away, startling the younger man into following.

“Where are we going?”

“To get a room for a couple of nights.”

Levi led them to a large building that looked fairly new.

“I’m told this one has indoor plumbing _and_ electricity,” Levi said as he opened the front door and walked in.  Eren looked outright wondrous at the information.

They walked up to the front desk and inquired about rooms.  The clerk apologetically informed them that space was extremely limited and they only had rooms with one bed left instead of the double-bed rooms Levi had asked about.

The older man glanced over at Eren, who shrugged.

“It doesn’t bother me.  After sleeping in a hole with ten other guys shoved up against me sharing a bed with one will be a luxury.”

Levi had to mind the expression on his face very carefully as his body tingled down to the tips of his toes and fingers.  The clerk quickly wrote down their names in his ledger and handed them their room key, telling them it was up the stairs and at the end of the hall.

“The hot water for the showers comes on at eight in the morning until it runs out, usually after an hour and a half.  It’s on again at six in the evening.  The washing room will be right across the hall from you.”

Levi nodded and they headed upstairs.  The room itself wasn’t large by any means.  It had a bed just large enough for two people against one wall, a small table by the window with two chairs pulled up to it and a bureau with an ewer resting in a wide, shallow bowl on it.  A bar of wrapped soap sat next to it atop a pair of clean towels and a modest mirror hung on the wall behind the bureau.

Levi didn’t spend much time surveying the room before placing his pack on one of the chairs, his rifle against the wall, and walked towards the soap and towels.  Picking up one of each, he turned back to Eren and shoved them at the younger soldier.

“Don’t come out until the water runs clean.”

Eren laughed, slipping off his own pack and setting his rifle against the wall next to it before exiting the room and crossing the hall to the showers.  The water was going to be cold, but the thought of being properly clean for the first time in months held almost as much allure as discharge papers.

The washroom was modern, with individual stalls.  A window at the far end of the room was opened for ventilation and an electric bulb with a pull chain provided illumination.

The showers themselves turned on with levers, a luxury Eren hadn’t even had before the war.  He had used hand pumps to pull water into his home. 

The first few droplets hit his skin and he shuddered at the coolness, but it wasn’t as cold as he had anticipated.  The water was likely pumped from the river which warmed up by midday to a mostly comfortable temperature at this time of year.  He stood under the stream for a few minutes watching the light brown water circle into the drain.  Then he unwrapped the bar of soap and began to scrub.

Eren reentered their room to see Levi seated at the table, having settled himself with a cup of tea from presumably the house kitchen.  Eren was dressed in his cleanest uniform bottoms and still had the towel draped over his head, but no shirt.  The older soldier’s eyes snapped to his form, appraising the clean-up job as his gaze tracked from Eren’s face to his shoulders and down his chest. 

“I hadn’t realized the natural color of your skin wasn’t mud.”

Eren laughed before going over to his pack to dig out a shirt.  He paused after opening the top.

“Where are my clothes?”

“I had them sent to be laundered.  I left a shirt and socks for you out on the bed.”

Eren glanced over and saw the clothing articles he hadn’t noticed when he entered the room.

“Thanks,” he said, picking up the shirt and sliding it on.

“You’re welcome.”

There were a couple of hooks on the back of their door for coats and hats.  Eren hung up his wet towel on one.

“Are you going to shower?”

“I had one this morning.”

Eren frowned.  How Levi managed to remain perpetually clean was a well-guarded secret.  Though, it likely involved an agreement that military regulations were technically against.  Eren himself frequently traded cigarettes and loose-leaf tobacco with one of the officers for luxury supplies.

Once Eren was fully dressed and had given up on trying to get his hair to lie flat, he turned towards Levi.

“Dinner?”

“Yes.”

***

Dinner was hot, which was more than Eren and Levi cared about.  Once their plates were cleared away, and mugs of beer were the only things left on their table, Levi leaned back and let his eyes scan the room.  It was moderately busy in the establishment.  A man was playing a slightly out-of-tune piano that had been wedged into a corner and a few local girls and the soldiers on were given leave flirted with each other; a few pairs dancing in a small open area of the floor.  The men likely couldn’t afford a trip to the brothel or preferred to chase instead of paying. 

The couples bumped into each other constantly, liquor stumbling through their veins and causing jovial laughter to bubble out of their mouths with every nudge and unintended collision.  It looked like it was a game to see how long they could avoid running into each other. To Levi it didn’t seem it was a game that could be won.

Their waitress came over her brown hair tied up at the back of her head and asked, “Another pint?”

Eren nodded, sliding his empty mug to her, but Levi declined, still working on his. 

“I’ll be right back with it!”

When she returned, she was chewing on a hunk of bread.  She set the beer on the table and swallowed the bite in her mouth before speaking, “Anything else?”

“Good for now,” Eren answered.

“Call for me if you need me.”  She flashed a smile before leaving to check on the other patrons.

Levi could tell that Eren was starting to get drunk half an hour later.  He was feeling a slight cloudiness to his own thoughts, himself.  He suspected they must have begun to look it when two young women managed to find their way over to their table and struck up a conversation.

They were pretty and friendly enough, but Levi’s interest was never going to spark in either of them.  Eren was enjoying the attention though, if his dopey smile was anything to go by.  Levi couldn’t say he was surprised, it was months since either of them had seen a woman in a social setting.  He didn’t _like_ it, but he wasn’t surprised.

He didn’t bother to contribute to the conversation.  Levi had no particular interest in flirting with the girls.  Within a few minutes the taller of the two women was urging Eren and the shorter girl to go dance.  She slid onto the bench where Eren had been sitting.

“My name’s Ymir, I don’t think you caught it.  What’s the story with you two?  From the same town?” 

It took a moment for Levi to realize that she was wasn’t making small talk, she was digging.

“No.  We met over here.”

A brief flash of frustration was quickly replaced with an easy smile.

“Your friend certainly seems to like my friend.”

Levi gave her an assessing look.  There was tightness around her eyes and mouth, something common when you lived so close to the front lines.  Her affected calm likely hid a growing desperation, fearing the war would advance beyond the trenches to their town.

“You’re looking for husbands.”

She leaned back, her grin looking a bit more genuine and a bit more strained.

“Guilty as charged.  We’re willing to grant you all the privileges of having a wife just as long as you send us back to your hometowns.  How far away are you from?”

“Not interested.”

She shrugged, apparently unbothered.  He suspected she wasn’t really asking for herself.

Her eyes flickered over to where Eren and his dancing partner tried and failed to waltz.  Eren laughed and apologized frequently as they jostled about the other couples.  The younger soldier didn’t appear to have any thoughts of Mikasa, which _was_ the point of coming to town.  He did look as though he had thoughts of the young blonde woman he was with, which wasn’t any better.

 “What about your friend?  Is he a decent guy?” There was a trace of honest concern in her voice, more so than when she had asked about Levi.

 “You seem more interested in getting your friend out than yourself,” he mused.

“It would be ideal if I could go with, marry someone from the same hometown as whatever husband she ends up with, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

“You’re in love with her.”

“You’re in love with him,” Ymir countered.

His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t answer.

“It’s not that you’re terribly obvious.  I just know the look.  He doesn’t seem like he’s caught on if that’s what you’re worried about.”

She took a swill of her beer before she spoke again.

“I want her out of here and safe.  If that means entrusting her to someone else, fine.  It would have been ideal if you’d marry me and lived next to him because then she and I could be together still and you and I wouldn’t have to put up pretenses with each other.  Nothing ever works out that well, though.”

“Assuming he wants to marry her,” Levi interjected.

“How long are you on leave in town?  A few days around her and the boys are usually tripping over themselves.”

“Not that long.”

“Long enough to get pregnant?  Is he the honorable type?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to him.”

“She’d be good to him.  She’s good to everyone.  I have no doubt she’d make him happy.”

“I don’t want _anyone else_ to make him happy.”

Ymir gave him the first truly authentic smile of the evening.

“ _That_ I can understand, but if I have the chance to get her somewhere safe, I’m taking it.”

Eren and his dance partner returned giggling with each other before Levi could reply.

The conversation sprung up again, peppered with teasing from Ymir before the beer caught up with Eren and he had to excuse himself.  Levi took the opening and stood up to follow.  He stopped look at Ymir.

“If you two can be together, then be together.  Don’t wait for someone to come rescue you when you can save yourselves.”

She looked momentarily struck, before her eyes fell to the table and a soft smile set on her face.  Her friend looked surprised.

“Easier said than done,” Ymir said.

Levi left and found their waitress, settled their tab quickly and headed towards the loo just as Eren was coming out the door.

“Our new friends got called back home.  We should head back to our room as well,” Levi said guiding the younger soldier towards the exit.

“Well that’s disappointing.”

Not for Levi.

***

They were back in their room when Eren began to undress and Levi’s eyes caught on the younger man’s form.  If one thing had been made clear to him tonight, it was that he didn’t want anyone else to have Eren Yeager. 

“Hey Eren,” he said.

The other soldier finished unbuttoning his shirt over his head and swiveled to face Levi, chest exposed.

“You were hoping to have sex with that girl tonight?”

Eren laughed, a little embarrassed, but not by much.

Levi’s mouth twitched before he said, “I would be wary of women that approach half-drunk soldiers.”  Ymir and her friend were hardly the only ones looking for an escape.  If a girl was willing to get pregnant in the hopes of catching a husband, it was just as likely she had caught something else.  Syphilis had no cure.

“After so long without I think I’d go for just about anyone, but I draw the line at Jean,” Eren laughed.  So much for Mikasa.

“You don’t say.”

“Well, don’t you?”

Levi felt his issues in that arena were a little more complicated than Eren’s. 

“Why not?” Levi settled on.

“Why not what?” Eren was understandably confused.

Was he really going for this?

“Why don’t _we_?”

Apparently he was.  He was clearly still drunk.  He had lessons to learn about mixing Eren and alcohol that he had failed to pick up.

“Why don’t we… oh!” the realization when it hit Eren’s face was probably comical if it weren’t for the fact that Levi’s heart had suddenly found itself on the chopping block waiting for the executioner’s axe.

“As _you_ said, after so long without…”

The degree to which Eren’s face could turn red was interesting.  It even reached down his neck.

“Well… I…”

The axe was being raised over the executioner’s head.

“The next opportunity to spend _proper_ time with a woman is probably years away,” Levi shrugged, voice remarkably casual for someone whose insides were quivering like he was in the middle of an earthquake.  If he was going to go for it, he might as well give it his best.

Eren looked more than a little dismayed as the thought sunk in.  The consideration that replaced it had Levi’s hopes lifting dangerously high.

“If we… would it just be tonight?”

“It can if that’s what you want, but it doesn’t have to be.  There are a few areas where we could conceivably engage each other when our leave is up.  I interrupted a couple of soldiers a few weeks ago in the trenches when I walked into their hiding spot.”

“Really?  Who?”

“I’m not gossiping about it.”

“Fine.  But I… would I be… would you… would I be the only one?”  Levi couldn’t help but find Eren’s concern over monogamy ridiculously endearing and also stupid. 

The axe was wavering uncertainly above his heart.

“There’s not a lot of people I get along with easily.  Especially not to _that_ extent.”

“I’m not that way, though.”  It sounded like a last-ditch plea.

“I know,” Levi spoke quietly.

That hurt to say out loud more than he ever thought it would.

“I’ve never even thought that way before!”

Eren looked desperate and Levi realized it was because he was giving in to the idea.  Whether Eren had considered it before or not didn’t matter because he was now and it was _scaring_ the kid that it might be something he was willing to do. 

Levi wanted to cross the room and close the distance between them, his hands aching to touch more strongly than they ever had now that he was so close to his _chance_.  The desire to push Eren down onto the bed and cover him with his own body was almost overpowering, but he remained rooted to where he was, maintaining a distance that wasn’t threatening; that wouldn’t appear forceful.

“We’re at war.  There’s a lot of ways we never thought before.  I’m not sure about you, but I’m willing to make a few allowances for myself if I have to live in hell everyday for the foreseeable future.  I’m not about to condemn myself for an indiscretion of the flesh.”

Eren looked away, hands fisting in the shirt he had yet to remove.  It was silent for the longest minute of Levi’s life.

“All right.”  The younger man’s shoulders were tense, but his voice didn’t waver.

The execution was stayed.

Levi could have told him that it was okay if he didn’t want to, but he didn’t have it in him to be that selfless.  Maybe before the war, but when he lived every day hearing bullets in the air, he learned not to let chances pass by. 

“I’ll try not to give you reason to regret this,” he said instead, finally crossing the distance of a few strides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I learned sooooo much about WWI era plumbing for this and it basically resulted in: Eren took a shower.
> 
> I will never ceased to be amazed at all the things I have had to look up for this series. Never.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Uchiha_Riddle](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Uchiha_Riddle/profile), my lovely beta! 
> 
> Sorry about the wait! I just started school again for the first time in a couple years and I'm slowly adjusting and spending way too many hours every day on Math. 
> 
> Math makes me sad.

Levi advanced on Eren, watching as the younger soldier made an attempt to swallow, trying not to look like he was more terrified than when he was being shot at.  It was adorable.

The older soldier stopped a foot away.  Eren had squeezed his eyes shut and was standing at the position of attention, spine stiff.  Levi let a smile of amusement slip on his face.

“What are you doing?”

Eren cracked an eye open.

“Uh… waiting?”

Levi huffed out a sigh and reached up to grab the collar of Eren’s shirt.

“Come here,” he said, pulling the younger soldier down to him.  Eren jerked, throwing his arms out to the sides before settling them gingerly on Levi’s shoulders.  His touch was hesitant as if he expected the other man to suddenly burst into flames.

Levi glanced to Eren’s throat and saw the kid’s pulse jump wildly, probably in terror.  His own was doing something similar, though it was closer to anxiety throbbing through him chased closely by anticipation.  After watching for so long Levi finally had permission to _touch._

His free hand shook lightly as he placed it on Eren’s waist.  He looked up into wide green eyes, seeing a soldier that looked more like a trapped rabbit.  He eased his grip on Eren’s collar to flatten his fingers and slide his hand to the side of the younger soldier’s neck.  Those large eyes blinked rapidly for a second and Levi felt a soft exhale against his face.

“Relax,” Levi murmured, noticing that he had unconsciously pitched his voice low, giving it a rough quality.

Eren just barely nodded and took in a slow deep breath.  A moment later he released it.  His shoulders lowered slightly but his eyes remained just as intense.

Levi’s fingers shifted back to touch at the base of Eren’s neck, thumb sliding up over his jaw line to rest millimeters from the lobe of Eren’s ear.  Slowly, he guided Eren closer, taking a half step in towards the younger soldier’s body.

Eren swallowed.

Levi had dared to imagine this moment only a few times when he was at his weakest.  It had always been more passionate and Eren hadn’t needed to be coerced, but the craving those thoughts had fueled was nothing compared to what having his hands firmly on the younger man created.  Levi had yet to fully press his body to Eren’s; hadn’t even placed his mouth on Eren’s skin and it felt like the friction heat from his heart’s racing was going to cause it to burst into flames.

The shorter man took a deep breath -his last before diving under water- and tugged Eren down as he leaned up.  He pressed his lips to the other soldier’s, feeling Eren jolt beneath his touch.  Levi ignored the way his knees tried to buckle underneath him.  His body flamed, heat coiling out from his gut and chest to spread through his arms and down his legs. 

Levi withdrew slightly before advancing again, breathing in Eren’s scent: the soap from earlier and the hint of spice.  He pulled back once more.  His eyes had nearly closed causing him to peer between his lashes as he glanced up at Eren.  The taller man had let his eyes close completely, but his eyebrows were lowered and Levi couldn’t tell if it was from his hesitance or from concentration. 

Levi’s tongue swept over his own lower lip before tugging Eren completely to him and jamming their mouths together.  A noise like a muffled squeak escaped Eren as Levi’s hands wrapped around to the back of his head and around the younger soldier’s waist, holding tightly.  He allowed his mouth to part, using the press of his lips to coax Eren’s mouth open as well. 

After a moment, Eren’s jaw relaxed and Levi let his tongue cross the barrier of their lips to prod lightly into Eren’s mouth.  It was a long moment before the young man responded with guarded participation.  Levi slowly increased the intensity with which he assaulted Eren’s mouth.

There was a strangled noise from the taller man and Levi tore his mouth away to kiss at Eren’s neck. 

“The kissing is ah… weird.”

It was like a sharp jab to Levi’s sternum.

“I like it, so close your eyes and pretend I’m that blonde from earlier,” Levi said and hated himself a little for it. 

Levi nosed at Eren’s earlobe, aware that _his_ thoughts, at least, were dominated by the person in his arms.  He pressed firmly at the corner of a jaw, underneath, down the length of that tan throat.  Levi would touch every previously forbidden area of skin, with his mouth if need be.  He carefully bit the length of the tendon at the side of his neck, before adding more pressure and suddenly Eren came _alive_ in his arms. 

He could feel Eren dip his head to Levi’s neck, the shudder of an inhale, and then there was an eager mouth on him, and Levi’s nerves tingled and sparked across his body, radiating out from where Eren’s lips made electrical contact.

Arms were coiled around him like cables, pinning him in place. 

 _This_ was what Levi had wanted for months, when the only thing in his mind was Eren, and no matter what he tried, he couldn’t get the boy out of his thoughts. 

Levi was gasping, hips pushing forward into the thigh against him.  He was already aroused, entirely too long having passed since he had experienced another body like this.  Neither one of them was likely to last very long, but Levi had every intention of at least getting them to the bed.

Detaching Eren long enough to do so would be regrettable but would pay out so much more in the long run.

“Eren…” he didn’t even recognize his own voice, strained and thin.

“Hmm?”

There was a nip at the juncture of Levi’s neck and shoulder and the older man felt it down to his _toes_.

“Just a moment,” Levi said, removing his arms from around the body he had been clinging to and lightly pushing against Eren’s chest.  They slowly broke apart and Eren looked at him questioningly, face flushed healthily and breathing hard.

Levi gripped one of the kid’s forearms and pulled him across the small room.  The older man placed a knee on the mattress, dragging Eren over until the younger soldier stumbled to sit on the edge.

Again, that nervousness snuck into green eyes as some reason returned to him. 

Levi balanced himself, shifting his weight onto his knee and lifting his other leg up to straddle the boy.  He leaned down and kissed Eren again, raising a hand to undo the buttons on his own shirt as his other eased under the open fabric of Eren’s button-up and lifting it off and down the muscled shoulder.  Levi quickly unfastened his buttons and shrugged out of his shirt before divesting Eren of the rest of his.

The younger soldier shuffled backwards until he was fully on the bed before glancing up at Levi through thick lashes.  The elder felt his heart thump loudly in his chest and his throat felt tight.

He leaned forward slowly, carefully raising his arm and settling his grip on the fastening of the pants below him.  He rose his eyes up to lock onto green ones that tore their gaze away from Levi’s hand to his face, wide and agitated.

Not breaking his stare, Levi cautiously flipped his thumb over the edge of the fabric and carefully slid it off the shell of the button.  He moved down to the next, watching Eren’s every fleeting expression as he repeated his action with the second button.  Then the third.  His hand reached the fourth and Levi’s fingertips skimmed the burgeoning hardness beneath the cover of fabric.

Eren sucked in a breath between his teeth.

Levi popped the cloth off the final button.

He leaned down and pressed his mouth to the lips beneath him, Eren’s jaw, in front of his ear, and up to his cheekbone before returning to the mouth again, ignoring the odd jolt Eren gave as he did so.  His thumb slid in between skin and fabric at the waist beneath him, edging low.  He gripped tightly at the juncture of thigh and hip, fiercely pressing his mouth more firmly against Eren’s before breaking away enough to coax the younger man’s hips up enough to slide off his pants. 

Levi began to pull downwards when a hand firmly wrapped around his wrist, halting him.  He shot his gaze back up to Eren’s face, saw the uncertainty there, and marveled at just how _young_ he looked, face heated, breathing erratic, and eyes sparking green and reluctant.

“I’ve uh… never been with a…” Eren stumbled, gesturing vaguely between them with his free hand and blush turning positively _scarlet_.  Levi had never been more in love.

“Obviously,” he replied, dryly.

Eren looked like he wasn’t sure whether or not to take offense.

Levi took a breath and steadied himself a bit.

“I’ve never been with a man either.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”  The question was sharp and concerned.

“I’m familiar with the mechanics.”

“I was familiar with the mechanics too when I first lost my virginity and _that_ was a disaster,” Eren stated, forgetting his reticence in the face of making his point.  Levi’s heart lost its shape and slid down his chest like liquid tar, boiling hot and sticking uncomfortably to his insides. 

“This is marginally different, at best.”

“Says you.  You know how startling it is every time I feel how hard you are through your pants?”

“Does what we’re doing feel good?”

Eren turned his head to break their gaze before answering, “…Yes.”

Green eyes snapped back quickly to gauge Levi’s reaction.

“Then let’s keep doing it.”

They stared at each other.

“That’s a shit argument,” Eren pointed out.  Levi gave a half smirk for an answer and without warning, yanked down the younger soldier’s trousers.

“Hey!”

“I’m interested to know how you expect to proceed otherwise.”

“I’m extremely flexible,” Eren said with a slight smile, relaxing slightly at Levi’s wry tone.

“I’d like to test that, but I have my doubts that you’re _that_ flexible.”

Eren huffed a laugh and Levi leaned back to finish pulling off the other’s pants before dropping his hand to undo the front of his own trousers.  He leaned down and pressed his mouth below Eren’s ear, feeling hands settle at his hips before sliding to push his pants over the curve of backside and down the tops of his thighs.  Levi stood to fully remove what was left of his clothing and quickly folded them, draping them across the back of a chair before returning to the bed.

Eren kept sneaking little glances at Levi’s body before darting his eyes away again, embarrassed.  Adorable.

Levi caught the younger soldier’s eyes and not-once breaking their gaze, hooked his fingers in the waistband of Eren’s boxer shorts and slowly pulled them off.  Eren looked torn between arousal and mortification.

Levi ran his eyes down the whole of Eren’s body and felt his heart swell in his chest.  _God_ , how he loved this man.

He raised a single finger up, indicating to Eren that he should wait for a second as he stood and walked over to his pack, digging in a pocket until he retrieved a small can.  Eren had propped himself up on his elbows and was watching him curiously.

“Is that gun oil?  What are you going to do with that?”

“It’s for lubrication.”

“Yeah… on guns.”

“In this case, on you.”

It took a moment before Eren’s face cleared and when it did, he bit his lip and had to look away from Levi.  The older man couldn’t stop the fond look from spreading across his face for a moment before he dug further into his pack for an item he hadn’t expected to use.

He removed a small packet with the word ‘Prophylactic’ stamped on it with directions for use.  Despite the frequent supply problems on the front line, one item that always managed to filter through the ranks were condoms. 

Levi had personally thought the war would be over before he had cause to tear open the packet like he was currently doing.  In his lonelier moments he had of course _imagined_ using one, particularly with Eren; but he had never entertained the idea that it actually _would_ happen.

Now his fingers were shaking.

Levi took a breath, extracted the condom, and walked back over to Eren with both the prophylactic and oil in hand. 

He kneeled down on the bed beside Eren, the shift of his weight on the mattress triggered the younger soldier into darting his gaze onto Levi’s face.  Eren’s expression was nervous and it made him look _young_ , except for his eyes –they were determined.  One thing that Levi had always appreciated was that when Eren made up his mind to do something, he did it.  Usually he was all-in to the point of stupidity.  Levi supposed it was part of Eren’s charm.

Often Eren’s decisions were terrible and had unpleasant consequences, but Levi was enamored with the young man’s drive in spite of that. 

He leaned down ghosting his mouth across Eren’s jaw, feeling the tremor that passed through the man below him and lightly took an earlobe between his teeth.  He felt as much as heard the sudden soft intake of breath next to his ear.  Levi placed the two items in his hand on the mattress next to Eren’s head and focused his mouth on the neck beneath it.  It didn’t take long for the younger soldier to melt again under Levi’s attention.

He felt Eren touch his chest, hand cupped, before the fingers twitched and flattened instead.  It took a moment before Levi realized the younger soldier had instinctually been reaching for a breast that wasn’t there.  He wasn’t sure whether to be amused or pained.

A leanly muscled arm wrapped around the shorter man’s waist and pulled him down tightly to the body below.  It was the first bare contact between their arousals and Levi felt sparks skitter across his skin.

Eren let out a barely audible hum and Levi swore he felt those sparks in his fucking _soul_.

When the younger man arched up beneath him, pressing their hips together tightly, Levi lost his patience and reached for the gun oil.  He managed to pop the cap off with a single hand -the other firmly grasping around the ribs beneath Eren’s pectoral- and carefully tipped it to pour over his fingers before replacing the cap.

He wiggled his fingers around each other, spreading the oil to try and get an even coating before reaching between them and taking them both in his lubricated hand, gliding smoothly up and down.  He leaned upwards to look at Eren’s face and saw him biting his lip, eyes fluttering open and shut.  He looked beautiful to Levi’s mind and the older man darted down to kiss him fully, unrestrained.

Eren responded guardedly and with hesitation.

The younger man’s hands flew up to grip at Levi’s shoulders as his hips shuddered up into the older man’s hand and he let his head fall to the side, breaking away from Levi’s mouth. 

It wouldn’t take much, Levi quickly realized.  Too many months without another body had taken a toll on their stamina.

He gave a last, quick squeeze, poured a few more drops of oil on and brought his hand lower.  He pressed in with a single finger, shushing Eren when he tried to speak with a nip along his jaw line, and carefully worked him open.  He went about it as quickly as he could without it hurting, inserting additional digits as necessary before he extracted his fingers and reached for the condom.

He slid it on with some difficulty, his hands not as steady as he would like, and then moved his hips into position.  He caught Eren’s wide-eyed gaze.

“Keep yourself relaxed.”

The younger man nodded and Levi began to press in. 

Obviously Eren would immediately tense up.  _Of course._

“Your face is pinched up like you’re constipated.  _Relax_.” 

“Easy for you to say,” Eren groused, trying to gain control of his breathing to something resembling steady.  After a minute or two, Levi felt the clamping pressure around his erection ease and again resumed his entry with small, slow thrusts.

After an eternity, Levi was in as far as he could go and he paused.

“Oi, Eren, you okay?” (

The younger soldier shifted and eventually settled on lifting his knees up and crossing his ankles behind Levi’s thighs.

“Yeah… I think so.  Come down here,” Eren said, throwing an arm around Levi’s neck and pulling him down to the crook of his neck.  He turned his head to kiss the younger soldier’s neck, reveling in the feel of him, bringing a hand up to cup Eren’s face tenderly.  Without thinking about it, Levi began to move his hips again, slowly, sensuously. 

He felt like his emotions were leaking out through his chest, warmth spilling across his ribs, spreading outwards.  He breathed in Eren, tasted him, felt him.  _I love you, you fucking idiot._

Levi set his hips at a leisurely pace, wanting nothing more than to extend the moment as long as possible.  After _so_ _long_ of forcing himself to keep himself at a distance when all he had wanted was to be allowed to _touch_ , he wasn’t going to squander his opportunity.

He felt heels dig in high up on his thighs, because naturally, Eren was on a different page than him.

“Faster.”

“Excuse me if I take my time,” Levi replied, more breathy than the wry tone he had been going for.

“C’mon Levi, _fuck me_ ,” Eren whined, punctuating his words with a quick jerk of his hips that had Levi shooting his hand up into Eren’s hair and clenching tightly. 

“Ah!” The cry that was more breath than voice from the younger soldier sounded less like pain and more like arousal.  Levi had been aiming for something less callous than mere fucking.  He wanted to run his hands along every last bit of Eren’s body with reverence, but that plea challenged his resolve.

Eren tightened his legs around Levi quickly, pulling him deeper, lifting his hips and repeating the process.  His nails scraped across Levi’s back, teeth clicking at his jaw.

Levi gave a short tug to Eren’s hair, the younger man giving out a strained, but pleased moan. He felt a hand slide onto his hip and then lower to clutch at the juncture of his thigh and his posterior.  The ankles shifted higher, a firm calf overlapping that same hand, pressing it more snugly against Levi.  Eren continued to urge Levi to go faster, deeper, with the clench of his muscles.

The older man felt himself jerked down again and Eren tightened beautifully around him, eyes shot open wide and mouth falling open soundlessly.

“There.  Right _there_.  Give me whatever you’ve _got_.”

Levi was not strong enough a man to resist.

Giving up on his attempts to worship Eren’s body, Levi complied, pistoning his hips forward powerfully and sinking his teeth down onto a well-defined shoulder, strengthened entirely by far too many days wielding a shovel.  The hand he had in Eren’s hair tightened considerably and the younger man responded by wrapping his limbs completely around him.

Levi set a brutal pace, not bothering with being gentle, since Eren didn’t appear to have much patience for that at the moment. 

“ _Perfect_.  Exactly that spot… _keep going_ ,” Eren mumbled into his ear, more than likely unaware of what he was saying.  “ _God_ _Levi_ , that feels _amazing_!”

The younger man’s words were hushed, quiet, meant only for his ears.  The way his name sounded on Eren’s tongue _in that tone_ had Levi scrambling to hold onto whatever wisps of self-control hadn’t slipped from him yet.  Levi clutched Eren tighter, feeling like he could never let him go.

A few more snaps of his hips and Eren’s limbs were like wire cables around his body, fingernails sinking in deeply, ankles digging painfully, head plunged backwards onto the mattress and thrusting his neck up upwards.

“ _Levi_!!” Eren ground out through clenched teeth, voice strained and euphoric all at once.  It was a long moment before he relaxed, loose-limbed and sliding his limbs until they just barely clung to Levi.  The older man pressed his mouth fiercely to Eren’s before pulling back slightly to take in his sated appearance, and lost it.

His body shuddered violently.

Levi collapsed onto Eren and lay there, brain too fogged over with endorphins to realize how uncomfortable laying on top of another person was.  It wasn’t until Eren recovered enough to shove Levi off to the side that the older man bothered to move.  He removed the condom and in a rare lack of concern, tossed it onto the floor before settling back.

He watched Eren’s profile.  The kid was staring up at the ceiling, face unreadable.  Levi supposed this was the moment of truth.

“That was… um…”

Levi waited.

“Fuck,” Eren said, eloquent as always.

Levi was unsure how he should interpret the comment.  Eren turned his head to eye Levi, expression still remarkably unforthcoming.

“I wouldn’t be… adverse… to trying that again,” Eren said slowly.

Levi couldn’t help the smile.  He would certainly accommodate him.  Anytime. 

“Yeah.”

“In say, five minutes?”

Levi supposed he must have answered with an incredulous look.  In no way was he still that young.  He was by no means old, but he definitely needed more than five minutes.  His expression was ruined by the yawn that crept up on him.  Then Eren yawned.  Levi threw an arm out across Eren’s waist.

“Shut up and go to sleep.  We have all day tomorrow.”

“Okay, but I want to do you, too.”

Levi was half-asleep already, enveloped in soft warmth when he replied, “Sure.”

 _Jeez, I_ _’m in love._

***

The next day was spent almost exclusively in the inn with brief forays out for meals. 

They tumbled against each other that night, sweaty and exhausted.  Levi was tempted to do something foolish like convince Eren to run away with him, to confess to him, but despite the high he gained in that room, it was tempered by the knowledge that their relationship was woefully one-sided. 

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, fingers lazily twirling a short lock of Eren’s hair as he lay in bed next to the younger man.  Eren was staring at the ceiling, absently enjoying a post-coital haze and perfectly content to lie there with his hands safely to himself.

The next afternoon would have them headed back to the frontlines.  Levi didn’t want the sun to ever rise again.

“You said you knew a few places around the trenches where we could sneak off?” Eren asked.

“Hn,” Levi grunted.  The effort of speaking seemed beyond him at the moment.

“I’ll have you show me every last one.”  The playfulness in those words had Levi’s heart quickening and before he knew it, he was rolling on top of Eren and pressing his mouth urgently against the other soldier’s neck. 

He couldn’t pin down where the sudden feeling of desperation and need came from exactly, but Levi was determined to forget it as he lost himself in Eren.

***

Several weeks later Levi and Eren were back at the frontline trench picking at cold rations.  They sat on the trenchboard next to each other, waiting for the sun to go down.

“Connie keeps telling me he got married when we were in town and I haven’t figured out if he’s being serious yet,” Eren said, breaking the silence as he eyed the contents of the tin can he held with a wrinkled nose.

“He should.  This is his best opportunity to find a wife.  War makes a lot of people desperate.”

Eren laughed, prodding hesitantly into his tin can with his fork, as if expecting the food to grab the utensil and wrestle him for it. 

“Personally, I’d prefer to know the person I’m marrying genuinely loves me,” the younger soldier said after a moment, raising the fork to his mouth and risking it.

Levi eyed him sideways.  Eren’s mouth was pursed like he had just made a mistake and was regretting it.  The younger soldier swallowed with effort and let out a heavy breath.

There was a lot Levi was willing to offer Eren, but he didn’t think the other man would be inclined to accept.

“This is a good place to make a widow out of a girl before properly making her a wife,” Levi mused.

“That’s morbid.  You have a point, though.  Marry some girl here and get yourself killed right away without ever living with her or having kids… that’s not something I’d want to leave behind if I died.”

“There’s an easy solution.  Don’t get married and don’t die.”

“I don’t know how easy the not dying part is, I think these rations are going to do the job before the bullets and the gas,” Eren said as he eyed the can with a challenging expression, before taking another bite and then grimacing.

Levi looked at his own tin.

“I don’t even know what kind of meat this is supposed to be.”

“I wonder how old it is,” Eren said, lifting his tin up to look at the bottom of the can as if might hold some answers.

“I have some pepper sauce, maybe that will help,” Levi said, digging another small bottle out of a pocket.

“Where did you get pepper sauce?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Levi said, shaking a liberal amount onto his rations before handing it over to Eren, who did the same.  They tried a mouthful at the same time and glanced at each other.

“It’s still disgusting.  Not quite as bad… maybe more will help?”

“I doubt there’s any way to salvage it,” Levi responded, but they added more sauce in the best hopes.

Another bite.

“Better… let’s try some more,” Eren said, grinning as he shook more on.  Levi looked at Eren’s tin and then his own. 

“I think we have as much pepper sauce as meat.”

“That’s fine by me.  I think it’s almost edible now.  Or maybe the spiciness has numbed my taste buds.”

 The sun had set above them and the last few remnants of light were quickly fading.  The moon was already visible in the sky.

“I think it helps that it’s hard to see it now,” Levi said.

“I think you’re right.”

They finished eating quickly and washed it down with water from their canteens.

“Well that was gross,” Eren said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  Levi gave a grunt of agreement as he put the bottle of pepper sauce back in his pocket before sitting back against the revetment.  A moment later, a weight settled at his side as Eren leaned against him.

Levi’s eyes widened slightly. Eren rarely, if ever, initiated physical contact between them.  After the few weeks since their trip to town, Levi had quickly learned to interpret the look in Eren’s eyes when he wanted sex.  Physical affection, however, did not exist between them except for when Levi instigated it. 

Even that was rare.  Eren had a tendency to jerk away before allowing it. 

The few times Levi had tried to touch Eren more gently the younger man had immediately gone stiff.  His best bet was always to wait until after sex when Eren was more pliable and open to try and kiss him or hold him.  Sex was fine, but Eren’s message was clear: _I don_ _’t need your affection_. 

It made Levi feel as though he was cracking open every time and it _hurt_ like his ribs were breaking.  He would only ever pull Eren to him briefly, in weak moments.  It never failed to make him better and infinitely worse. 

“It’s summer now,” Eren spoke, breaking the older soldier out of the dismal turn of his thoughts.

“Did you figure that out yourself?” Levi asked, amused.

“Just commenting.  How long has this war been going on now?”

“Too long.”

“Remember when they said it was only going to be a couple months and everyone would be home by Christmas?”

“You should know better than to listen to politicians.”

“I should have listened to my mother.”

“Why?”

“She told me keep farming and stay out of the army.”

Levi was silent for a minute.  For him, Eren was the only good thing he had gotten out of the war, no matter how much pain getting him ultimately cost.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Levi said quietly.

He felt Eren freeze against him and the resulting shot of fear that he had said more than he had intended crept through him.

“Did you hear that?” Eren whispered and Levi’s mind immediately switched tracks, ears perking for anything that sounded out of place.

Suddenly Eren was sitting up straight, body tense.  Levi reached for his rifle, when suddenly a body sailed over his head and landed in a crouch in front of him.  He was halfway to standing when another man leapt over the side of the trench, landing to his right.  He was on his feet and sliding between the enemy and Eren without a second thought, raising his rifle and flipping off the safety.

He heard more boots hit the ground around them and behind him he heard Eren shuffling.  The butt of his rifle hit his shoulder, he aimed it ahead of him and fired twice.  The man in front of him jerked and staggered.  Levi pivoted to the right, weapon still pulled high, and took a half step to remain in front of Eren, firing on the man he saw there.  He was about to turn again when a body collided with his, knocking him to the ground.

Levi rolled with his attacker, losing his grip on his rifle as they tumbled. 

The world spun in a flash of stars before the rush of the ground towards him and a few brief flashes of a foreign uniform.  Then he was on the ground, a lack of air in his lungs as he gasped painfully, pushed himself to his hands and knees and saw another man doing the same.  He leapt on the other soldier, knocking him onto his back and slamming a fist into the man’s face, free hand fumbling for the knife he kept on his person.  He hit the man again before he gripped the handle of the knife and pulled it free from its sheath.

Behind him he heard Eren cursing.  Further away there was shouting and gunfire.

Levi sank the blade into flesh, once, twice, three times, and he was scrambling away, not sure if the man was dead, but not daring to hesitate a second longer. 

His eyes sought out Eren, saw a body by the younger man’s feet and Eren struggling with another soldier, both men gripping a bayonet between them.  Levi was on his feet and moving when Eren got a solid kick in at the other man, sending him backwards, but he lost his hold on the bayonet.

Levi had almost reached Eren’s side when he changed his direction slightly dropped his shoulder and slammed into the foreign soldier, effectively shoving him against the revetment.  The man stumbled, but maintained a white-knuckled grip on his bayonet.  Levi was about to draw back a fist, when he was grabbed under the arms and hauled backwards.  His new opponent attempted to throw him back to the ground.  He put a solid foot out slightly to his right to steady himself, clenched his arms tightly against the pair that gripped him and leaned sharply forward, lifting the man off the ground before twisting back up, and letting momentum lift him off his feet and backwards, slamming the man onto the ground as he landed on top.  He was rolling into a crouch and kicking out at the man’s head as he struggled to get back up.

The soldier was stunned, and Levi’s knife was back in his hand, slicing outwards.  He felt resistance, his wrist pulling against the force, and the man gave a startled shout.  He slashed out again, felt an odd jerk and the man fell backwards.  Levi was up on his feet in a flash, but Eren was already reaching him, panting heavily and holding a bayonet. 

Levi glanced behind Eren and saw the soldier who had originally owned the weapon slumped to the ground.  He was about to turn his attention back to the flushed young man with the fierce green eyes that he was trying not to think impurely of until he was sure the attack was over, when that slumped soldier shifted.  Levi hesitated as he saw one arm reach up to slide a sidearm out of its holster. 

He didn’t think, he just grabbed Eren’s shirt and pulled him back as the handgun was raised.  In another breath he stepped neatly in front of the younger man as a loud clap sounded and something solid impacted with his body, twisting it back in the opposite direction.

He stumbled, looked across to see eyes that were probably just as wide and fearful as his own, and then heard a loud crack of gunfire near his ear.  The man’s head jerked sharply, dark liquid spraying away from his skull in the dim light.

Levi watched the body shift sideways to the ground and he fell backwards into Eren. 

He swung his head toward Eren who suddenly appeared in his field of vision, looking angry.

He smiled slightly.  Eren was always attractive when he was angry.

“Why did you do that?” The question echoed oddly in his ears.

Eren reached out to him looking like he wanted to shake the older soldier, but something was stopping him.  Levi frowned; increasingly aware that there was a dull ache that was slowly growing more painful.

He glanced down at himself.

There was a dark spot on his uniform that didn’t belong there. 

His head swung back up and he heard his blood in his ears.

Eren stepped closer to him, his hands reaching for Levi’s uniform, lifting it up to try and peer at the wound in the gloom.

Distantly, he heard voices shouting, growing louder.  He couldn’t tell how far away they were.  Sound was acting strangely.

“Damn it, Levi!” Eren’s voice came from a thousand paces away.

He huffed a laugh that hurt entirely too much and lifted a hand to cup Eren’s face.  Green eyes shot up to stare at him, the hands fussing with his uniform stilled.

“You’re a brat,” Levi said, dropping his gaze down, aware of a creeping blackness at the edges of his periphery.  His voice sounded slurred in his ears.

He eyed the growing patch of warm red as his vision blurred.  Eren’s hands were bunched in his shirt.  He had nice hands.  Dirty, but otherwise nice. 

“I’m covered in blood.  Disgusting.”  Definitely slurred.

He had the distinct feeling of falling before being caught.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I am so, so sorry that it took me this long to update. I went to a technical school for work and spent more of the past year living out of a hotel room than my own home. I also am in regular school and just when I thought I'd have some time to write, Physics killed me. Also, math. Also, Genetics. I wrote and rewrote this chapter 3 times. At one point I cut out five pages of text. I don't think I ever struggled so much with writing.
> 
> On another note, there is a mention of driving after drinking, but not all European countries even had laws against it at the time, since motorized vehicles were fairly new and the were so few of them on the roads. From what I could tell, the laws were mostly enforced only when there was an accident.

Levi remembered flashes of moments. 

Lying on the ground, Eren cursing him out and providing unbelievably painful, life-saving pressure on his wound. He thought he had maybe said things to Eren, but couldn’t remember what. 

Another scene of being transported on what must have been a stretcher. 

Erwin’s face, peering down at him from above, expression tight, and he remembers wondering what the man was doing outside his command bunker. 

Medics leaning over him, heads dipped in concentration and hands flying, a lightning bolt of pain, flashing white-hot behind his eyelids and then fading to black. 

He supposed that for everything in between those images he must have been unconscious.

When he next opened his eyes again, it was to find himself lying on a mattress that was little better than a cot. Stiff wool blankets were draped across him and he was in a room he didn’t recognize. Sweeping his gaze over the dimensions of the walls, he thought a closet might be a better description than the word room. There was a window somewhere, presumably above his head, filtering in daylight. The door barely beyond the foot of his bed had a frosted pane of glass set a few inches above the knob with painted block lettering that supposedly informed him what this space was, but it was open at an angle that made it impossible to read.

He felt dull pain somewhere in his abdomen. It was likely what woke him.

"They dug the bullet out, so you should try not to die of infection," came a flat voice from his side.

Eyes widened, he looked to his right to find Eren seated in a chair that had been pulled up next to the bed in the cramped space. There was something off about his expression, something Levi couldn't quite place.

"Erwin gave me permission to come along," he said, by way of explanation. His voice sounded distant and carefully blank. 

A quick assessment noted that Eren had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't gotten much sleep and his features were tight, drawn. His eyebrows kept twitching towards each other and his eyes themselves were narrowed and frosty. Ah, anger then. 

It was unusual, though. Levi had seen Eren angry plenty of times, but it had always been accompanied by furious action and loud, condemning words full of bravado. Levi knew Eren’s anger as a wild uncontained thing fueled by a desperate need to stay alive. This quieter, cold simmering anger was new and it was apparent that it was directed at Levi. 

If the sudden glare he was receiving was any indication.

"You and I are going to talk."

Well that sounded ominous. Levi had the sensation of cold water trickling down through his insides. He was hoping this wasn’t going to go where he thought it was going. 

"Are we?" He hadn't quite meant for that to come out sounding so challenging. It was surprisingly sharp for how groggy he felt. This was most likely due to his natural aversion to being told what to do, which made his decision to enlist all the more ridiculous. As his focus narrowed on Eren he was becoming distantly aware that all his decisions since the war began were increasingly irrational, culminating in everything to do with the soldier glaring at him currently. Eren was especially irrational, and Levi thought that was an appropriate description for his affection and pursuit of the younger man as well.

"Yes." Eren wasn't one to ever back down. Any other time it was endearing, but this time Levi felt like his heart was on the line. 

"What is it you want to talk about, then?" his voice sounded much more aloof than he felt, he absently wondered if his face matched. 

"I think you're well aware."

Levi narrowed his eyes. He had a very good guess. It was probably related to why he was in the hospital. Eren would be upset about anyone taking a bullet for him, since he generally appeared to be of the opinion that his own well-being was negligible in the face of enemy troops. Although Levi suspected that his half-remembered action of gently cupping Eren’s face in his hand and probably smiling dopily while doing so might also be why the younger soldier was upset. In Levi’s defense, he had assumed he was going to die and if his last sight on Earth was of Eren’s face, then he would die with some small measure of peace.

Now that he thought about it, there might had been words said, possibly friendship-ending confessions made in the face of certain death. 

Except he hadn’t died, but judging by this conversation, he was starting to feel as if this result might be worse.

"So talk."

"You're in love with me," Eren said, typically blunt. Subtlety had never been a quality he possessed. 

The older man felt his mouth go dry, unable to come up with a response. It wasn’t something he was capable of denying while sounding believable. For once, Levi wasn’t sure he appreciated Eren’s directness. 

Eren's eyes narrowed further.

"I guess that answers it."

"I guess it does," Levi admitted lowly, glaring right back at the younger soldier. There was a part of him that was fairly certain that this wasn’t how declaration of love were supposed to go. The animosity from both parties seemed like it wasn’t supposed to be there. Not that he thought Eren would have been impressed if he had tried presenting him with flowers or some shit. In another life he’d probably get a great deal of amusement trying to woo Eren the traditional way. 

Eren leaned back in his chair, looking distressed, "Fuck." His hand shot up to cover his face as he leaned back in his chair, reaching up into his hairline. “Fuck.” 

That seemed like an accurate summation of the situation to Levi.

Levi waited. Eren wasn't done yet. He hadn't been mistaken about the anger he had seen on the younger soldier's face. Eren Yeager was not capable of keeping things bottled up for long. He was going to hear about it in a minute.

The taller man pressed his lips together, took a breath, and leaned forward, forearms braced on his knees, steadying his posture before he spoke.

Except nothing came out of his mouth.

Levi waited, watching as Eren’s expression pinched, his hands fisted and he jerked back. His mouth tightened.

It occurred to Levi that Eren hadn’t been expecting him to come clean. The younger soldier had probably been expecting this conversation to be about cornering Levi into a confession and now he wasn’t sure how to proceed.

Levi sighed as he reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. He didn’t want to talk about this but, now that it was out in the open, there was no avoiding it. 

“I imagine you’re less than thrilled.”

“That’s an understatement.”

There was a silence that went on for too long.

“Well out with it!” Levi barked, eyebrow twitching irritably. 

“Out with what?” Eren asked, genuinely confused.

There were often times when he questioned his sanity for falling in love with the idiot but, that was usually when the lunatic was trying to charge bullets. Now it was because the other soldier was making this needlessly difficult with his stupidity.

“Tell me why you’re so angry.”

“You know why!” Eren’s voice raised in exasperation, clearly not understanding what Levi was trying to do.

Levi knew that this was one of those things that needed to be talked about as much as he didn’t want to. It had to happen because there was no going back or forward for him and Eren as long as it was hanging over their heads. However, he was not the most eloquent man in the world, especially not when it mattered.

“Eren,” Levi began and even he could hear the strain and irritation in his voice as he punctuated his syllables, “it would be good for you to yell at me now. Otherwise this is just going to build upon itself and get worse for both of us.”

“No.”

“So we’re just going to sit here in awkward silence?”

“Until I’m sure I can talk to you without trying to kill you.”

There was a good chance that could be never.

“Right now I would rather have you suffer since I can’t deal with anger the usual way. If you weren't in that hospital bed I'd deck you. I probably will when you get out."

"I'm surprised that's stopping you." He genuinely was. Levi thought Eren might actually be capable of hitting injured people, despite what he said.

"I don't want to upset your nurse."

This got Levi’s attention.

Eren rarely stopped to consider whether other people would get upset by the things he said and did. It was among his many glaring flaws that Levi was well aware of and consistently overlooked. 

Levi raised an eyebrow. Now that he thought about it, Eren was far more restrained than he would have thought. 

“My nurse?"

Levi felt his confusion rise as Eren absently raised a hand to scratch at the back of his head as he looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“She's uh... She followed me here."

As if summoned by their conversation, Levi became aware of the tap of footsteps crossing the tile floor of the hallway outside his room. A nurse was walking towards him, expression more blank than anything else, dark hair sheared along the length of her chin, a lock of it falling between her eyes.

She was extremely pretty.

Next to him, Eren shifted. Levi realized that the woman’s gaze was fixed firmly not on her patient, but on her patient’s visitor.

“I didn't expect to see you here without injury, Eren." She said, lifting the blanket to check Levi's bandages before grabbing his wrist and checking his pulse. Eren didn’t respond, mouth hard and eyes focused on the wall above Levi’s head. A stethoscope was pulled out and unceremoniously pressed against his chest with clipped instructions to breathe as she moved the instrument from upper to lower lung and then checked the other side.

“How is the pain?”

“Manageable.”

That was mostly true. There was a very stupid part of Levi’s brain that insisted on being tough in front of Eren.

The nurse flicked her eyes over to the young man that Levi was trying to convince himself he wasn’t showing off for.

“Bring him something,” came the curt instruction.

The woman nodded before she spoke, voice finally colored with concern.

“Are you all right?”

It took a moment for Levi to realize she wasn’t speaking to him.

“I’m fine,” Eren said in a tone that sounded to be rather long-suffering.

Her eyes narrowed.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Eren.” There was a low warning in those two syllables.

“I said I’m fine, Mikasa.”

Levi whipped his head to stare at Eren, before glancing back at the nurse. She looked like she wanted to push the subject but she was evidently used to dealing with the younger soldier.

He couldn't help the instant upwelling of bitter jealousy and dislike towards this woman upon learning she was the infamous Mikasa, on whom Eren had never actually offered up any information. The only thing Levi was privy to was that these two spent a small fortune on stationary writing to each other.

It was surreal to finally be face to face with the enemy.

“You should introduce me to your friend, Eren.”

Something about the emphasis she put on the word ‘friend’ made Levi uneasy.

“Levi, this is Mikasa. Mikasa, Levi,” Eren said rigidly sounding like he’d rather be doing anything else in the world right now that introducing them to each other. The nurse turned towards him and those dark steely eyes settled on his face. Levi suddenly knew what it felt like to be the other woman.

He gazed coolly back into her stare and sincerely hoped Eren hadn’t written about him.

“Eren’s written about you.”

Levi shot a glance to Eren, who looked irate, but his face otherwise revealed nothing.

“He said he’d probably be dead several times over if it weren’t for you,” she said, without much warmth.

That sounded promising. The last thing Levi wanted to worry about was Eren’s… whatever she was to him, attempting to murder him while he was under her care.

“He has a tendency leap without looking,” Levi replied, watching the way Eren’s eyebrow twitched in irritation at that.

“I’m aware.”

He brought his gaze back to her, and felt his skin prickle at how piercing her stare was. Levi didn’t intimidate easily, and he couldn’t say that he was right now, but he suspected that Mikasa would honestly kill him if she thought he was in any way a threat.

He might be a little too late to dodge that one. If her frosty attitude was anything to go by, she was already aware that he had somehow upset Eren. He wondered what she knew.  
“I’ll be back with something for the pain.”

She gave him a final look, face unreadable, before she turned and left.

Eren was silent for a long time watching the door she disappeared out of before he turned back to Levi.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” They were back to their original conversation and Eren’s face had morphed out of irritation back to frustrated anger.

He looked at Eren coolly. The younger soldier’s eyes looked brighter, sparking underneath dark eyebrows. His jaw was tightened, muscles pulling the skin and making his jawline look more defined. He was unbelievably gorgeous and Levi fought to not lose his breath over it. 

“How would you have reacted if I did?” Levi’s voice was demanding.

Eren narrowed his eyes and chewed on his bottom lip, unsatisfied. He wasn’t looking to be answered with another question. His gaze shot to Levi’s, the look bewildering.

“You’re in love with me and I don’t even know why!” he hissed, voice pitched abnormally high and strained, like he barely had any self-control. His hands were fists on his thighs, shaking. There was a desperation for understanding that was beyond him, his simple world thrown into chaos by the unexpected comprehension of Levi’s feelings. All this time a relationship Eren thought he had understood was suddenly complicated as he discovered he had been blind to one of its critical elements.

“I don’t either.” It was honest. He really didn’t. He could name a hundred little things he loved about Eren, but he hadn’t even been aware of most of those until after he realized he was already head over heels. 

Eren looked at him like he was out of his mind. He raised his hands up and rubbed them down his face.

“You lured me to bed under false pretenses and somehow I feel like I’m the one who used you,” he said, sounding tired.

It clicked for Levi, then. Eren felt he was the injured party, and Levi supposed he was in a way, but at the same Eren also felt like he had unwittingly taken advantage. The younger man did not deal well with internal conflict.

Without warning Eren stood up and walked away. Levi watched him go.  
-

Mikasa entered the room a few minutes later, carrying a tray.

“I just saw Eren. He seemed upset.” If the accusation wasn’t apparent in her tone, then it was in the glare she directed at him.

Levi levelled one right back, but he suspected it lacked its usual bite with the swim of pain in his side. She made a show of checking his wound, but Levi was convinced that her reason for being there was not treatment of a patient.

“What are you to Eren?” There was suspicion in her voice and Levi could appreciate that she went straight to the point, unfortunately he hadn’t the slightest clue how to answer that. He honestly wasn’t sure what he was to Eren.

“Shouldn’t you be asking him that?” It was a petty response, but this woman’s existence was crushing Levi’s world. 

Her eyes narrowed and she sat down in the chair that Eren had used. 

“I owe you thanks for keeping Eren alive,” she began, “what matters most to me is that Eren comes back home with me when this war ends.”

Levi internally winced.

“However, if I think that you are bad for him, if you hurt him somehow, then I will hurt you.”

The soldier personally felt that anyone who had taken the Hippocratic Oath should have more hesitation when threatening their patients.

“You’re warning me away from him?” It wasn’t actually a question when the answer was obvious to both parties.

Her brow furrowed as if she was considering what to say.

“I will always be at Eren’s side. He’s my family and I will fight for and protect my family at all costs.”

Levi began to wonder with a sinking feeling if her position in Eren’s life was something more than mere girlfriend as he had been suspecting.

His lungs felt shredded.

He needed Eren like he needed air. The idea that the younger man could belong to someone else had him feeling like he was being pressed into the thin mattress at his back, flattened by an unyielding weight.

The problem he had right then was that he knew, even if the younger soldier belonged to Mikasa, Levi’s heart would only beat for the Eren as if it had been shaped solely for him. 

-

Levi woke up the next morning to see Eren had returned at some point, leaning against the wall, looking calmer, but still agitated. There was a distance to him that Levi could feel, like the younger soldier had an invisible barricade erected between them.

"I don't have any responsibility to you, you know. You made me think it was the one thing and it was something else. If I had known you felt that way, I wouldn't have…" There was a vague gesture with his hand that Levi was supposed to interpret.

This was true... except maybe the part where he wouldn't have... that would depend on Eren’s hormones on any given day. The only difference is that then Eren would have felt like he had been the one taking advantage and that Levi was the injured party.

Levi knew better than to try to argue that.

“I’m aware.” To his credit his voice gave nothing away. He shifted himself up into a sitting position, muttering a thanks when Eren sighed and reached out to lift the pillow up behind him so he could recline more comfortably. The younger soldier resumed his previous position of holding the wall up.

“Can you answer me something?”

It was the change in tone that caught Levi’s attention more than anything else. Eren sounded curious, like he had stumbled upon a new thought.

“What?”

“Does Commander Smith… know?”

Levi shot him a quizzical look, wondering what Erwin had to do with anything.

“Why?”

“He’s the one that told me to come here when you got shot,” Eren explained.

“Erwin most likely knew before I did,” Levi answered after some thought.

Eren let that digest for a moment before pressing, “Okay, but does he know about…” the younger soldier motioned between them awkwardly.

“Probably. He’s fairly good at figuring things out.”

Eren blanched a bit at the thought of his commander knowing he had been screwing his superior. The older soldier could see the younger one was wondering whether or not it mattered that Levi wasn’t in his direct chain of command. 

“We’re not the best kept secret back at camp, you know,” Levi continued.

Eren’s eyes widened impossibly. His voice came out in a higher pitch than Levi had ever heard from him.

“Who else knows?” 

Everyone who’s ever seen me look at you.

“Mike.”

“How does Mike know?”

“He said you always smell like sex after you meet me for coffee.”

The full flush of Eren’s face was instant.

“Oh, that’s uh…” he tugged on his collar, clearly mortified.

“Hm.” Levi agreed.

After a minute of silence Eren glanced at his wound, hidden beneath a blanket.

“How long until you’re out of here?”

“A couple more days as long as infection doesn’t set in.” They both knew infection was more likely to kill than the injury itself. Warding off disease was the most difficult battle of the entire war.

“I suppose you’ll be on desk duty when we get back.”

“More than likely.”

“You know I’m that I’m angry you got yourself shot, too?”

“Hm.” Levi nodded. He would do it again without a second thought. Nothing in this world mattered more to him than Eren, but now was not the time to be voicing such thoughts. If ever.

Eren leaned back in his chair and glanced over at Levi, irritated.

“I mean it. I was terrified. This whole fucking war and nothing was as bad as when you went and got yourself shot for me. Not gas, not the raids, not a damn thing.”  
Levi couldn’t smother the flicker in his chest as Eren spoke. 

He doubted the younger soldier realized what he said sounded a bit like a confession of his own.

Despite what Eren’s words however, Levi could still feel distance, as though Eren had managed to place himself just outside of Levi’s reach. A small ache was growing within him. 

Eren reached up and ran a hand through his own hair.

“I guess I’ll be back in a couple days to bring you back to camp.” The younger soldier pushed himself away from the wall, his boots thudding dully against the tile floor as he walked out. Levi couldn’t help but feel like something pivotal had changed between them and it made him feel like he was going to crack apart.

-

Everyone did their best to ignore the fact that there was any tension in the room as Mikasa gave Levi his final check to discharge him. Eren was waiting by the door, clearly impatient and practically glaring at the other two occupants in his irritation. Levi himself was ignoring both in favor of buttoning up his shirt, thankfully cleaned by the hospital staff during his stay.

“…light duty for two weeks. Any sign of infection and return immediately,” Mikasa was instructing.

Levi gave her a nod, before lifting his pack that Eren had apparently brought shortly after his admittance to the hospital. 

There was a sound like a long-suffering sigh before Eren walked over and removed the bag from Levi’s shoulder before swinging it up onto his back, despite the fact that he had already been carrying his own pack. 

“Light duty,” he said, sounding disapproving.

Mikasa paused and glanced at Eren before her gaze fell back onto Levi, sharper than before.

“This is for the pain, but from what the other patients say, it doesn’t do much,” she explained, tersely handing him a small wrapped package.

Just as abruptly, Eren took it from him and stuffed it in one of his pockets.

“I think I can handle carrying that much,” Levi stated dryly.

“If that’s everything, we’re going now,” Eren said to Mikasa before turning and walking out the door.

Levi was about to follow him when steel fingers gripped his arm. He glanced back at the nurse.

“I don’t know what is going on between you and Eren, but I don’t like it. Stay away from him.”

Not for the first time, Levi found himself marveling at the woman’s bluntness.

“If I did that, then who would keep him alive?” he said, feeling her hold instantly loosen, but her face darken.

The scowl that whipped onto her face didn’t diminish her attractiveness in the least and Levi jealously felt a bitter flash of hatred towards her for it.  
She apparently felt a similar animosity towards him.

“When this war ends, he’s coming home with me and that will be the end of it.” Her voice was deadly firm with conviction, and her eyes pierced into him. 

He gave her a long hard look in return before turning his back on her and walking out of the room. Deep in his gut he realized he had been thinking of the war as endless, half expecting to die every day, and hadn’t really considered the possibility that it would end with both him and Eren alive only to go different ways.

He wondered what kind of hell it would be living to old age separated from Eren, and still hopelessly in love with him. 

As he turned into the hall and his eyes landed on the young man waiting impatiently for him by a wide staircase he was struck by conflicting thoughts.

Would it be worse to spend the rest of his life seeing Eren every day and knowing he couldn’t have him, or apart sustained on fond memories, where he wouldn’t be constantly tempted and tortured? As he walked up to the other soldier, he didn’t have an answer.

“Ready?” Eren asked.

“Yeah.”

-

To his surprise, Eren had arranged a ride back to camp with a hospital truck that was carrying a load of first aid equipment for the camp. They met to the side of the building that served as the hospital, but the inscription above the main doors insisted it had been a girl’s school before the war. 

Eren had spoken a few words to the truck driver, a smiling, middle-aged blond man, before they climbed onto the bench seat.

It was a few minutes into the trip with the driver speaking happily and Eren giving somewhat condescending responses before Levi realized the two knew each other.  
“I can’t believe you’ve already been drinking today,” Eren muttered. “You should let me drive.”

“There’s no harm. Just a swig or two in between trips. It’s not like I have anything else to do today except run around supplies, and the roads are so bad around here that you couldn’t drive faster than a tortoise even if you wanted to,” the man said.

“If you’re not drunk on the job back home, you’re drunk on the job here! At least your wife doesn’t have to deal with your useless ass while this war is going on.”

“I thought you’d grow out of that sharp tongue by now. I guess it can’t be helped,” the man chuckled good-naturedly as he dug the knuckles of his fist onto the top of Eren’s head.

The young soldier batted away the man’s hand.

“Stop it, Hannes!”

“At least with you around to nag me, I’m reminded of spending time with my wife!”

This idiocy went on until the truck rumbled into the camp, stopping outside the medics’ tent.

Eren bid the man a grudging farewell as they climbed out. 

Levi waited until Eren was ready before heading off towards the command bunker to let Erwin know he was back.

Upon entering the bunker, Erwin immediately looked up from the documents he was reading. A small smile stretched his mouth as his eyes landed on Levi and Eren. 

“Ah, you’re back,” he said to Levi, saving the shorter man from having to give a reporting statement before glancing at Eren who set down Levi’s pack before placing the small package of pain killers from Mikasa on top of it. “It looks like you took good care of him.”

Levi did not have the vocabulary to describe the color Eren’s face turned. ‘Red’ somehow didn’t seem to do it justice.

“N-no… I... uh… it was his nurse, sir,” Eren stammered, having snapped to the position of attention to answer his commanding officer. Levi suppressed the derisive snort he very much wanted to give. His nurse was likely the greatest threat to his well-being. 

Erwin’s features shifted just subtly enough to let Levi know that the man was deeply amused. He doubted Eren could tell, fortunately for the younger soldier.

Apparently the knowledge that his commander was aware that his relationship with Levi was something a good deal less than professional was hell on his nerves.

“At ease, Yeager,” Smith said, grin barely contained.

“Yes, sir. If that’s all sir, I’ll take my leave now, sir.”

“Why don’t you add a few more ‘sirs’ to that,” Levi snorted, fighting a smirk himself. He didn’t have to look to feel the venom in the glare that Eren shot him.

“You’re dismissed,” Smith permitted, smile a little wider than before.

To say Eren fled would not be an understatement.

“I thought he’d be more eager to stay by your side after how upset he was when you were injured.”

Levi frowned. Eren was definitely upset, although for a different reason than Erwin had assumed.

The commander must have noticed the look on his face because in the next moment he set his documents down and gestured to an empty chair for Levi to sit in.  
“Trouble in paradise?”

Levi strode over to the chair, lowering himself gingerly to sit, since his bullet wound ached more fiercely after the pothole ridden ride from the hospital. Hannes had driven at a slow enough speed that Levi could have kept pace by jogging in order to accommodate for the poor condition of the road, but it had still been like driving across a washboard. 

“I think I screwed it up. He knows how I…” Levi made a motion with his hand towards his chest, “and he’s not happy about it.”

“Ah.” A second later Erwin had picked up his papers again and was reviewing them.

“No sage wisdom?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I think we both know that if I were any good at relationships I’d have been married by now.”

If Levi were honest with himself, he really hadn’t expected Erwin to be helpful.

-

Two weeks later and Levi hadn’t seen Eren since they had returned to camp. He went to their usual spot every morning, a cup of joe in each hand, and slowly drank one, waiting in vain for the younger soldier to show. He’d nurse a cigarette and lean his head back against the wooden revetments, wondering why it wasn’t the war the fucked up his life so badly, but a young shit-for-brains, green-eyed asshat. He would set his jaw and pretend his throat wasn’t trying to swell shut as he thought of the other man. 

Eventually, his cigarette was down to a stub and the untouched coffee was cold. Levi then pushed himself away from the wall, ignore how another shattered fragment would chip off his heart and dust himself off.

He poured the other cup out like usual before making his way back through the labyrinthine trenches to the command bunker.

Now that he was off desk duty he held no illusions that Eren was in fact, avoiding him. He went as far to look for him, without success, making his way through every inch of the trenches, yet deprived of a single glimpse.

Inquiry informed him that the very morning Levi had returned to his regular duties, Eren had requested to be switched to the rotation at the front. Apparently the other soldier felt that being where enemy forces were going to show first was easier than facing Levi.

It stung.

Badly.

By the end of the second week Levi threw his empty coffee cup against the opposite revetment, glaring at it as it landed with a metal ting against the ground. He found himself breathing heavily without having actually exerted himself. Levi shot a death glare to the full cup forever waiting on the ground next to his feet. He kicked it vindictively as he stalked away, ignoring the way it splashed in a hundred droplets across the ground.

For the first time, he spitefully thought of the younger man as a coward.

-

It was gunshots that had Levi running towards the front. From what he could tell by the noise there was more than one spot along the trench line were they were being raided. Dusk had just settled, slowing his sprint through the earthen maze. Firefights were magnets for Eren and that was all Levi cared about. He was incapable of leaving things like this. He needed finality. 

His side still pained him a little and the weeks of inactivity had slowed and weakened him. Levi found himself out of breath much more quickly than he was used to. He paused, leaning against a wall. His splintered heart thundered against his ribcage when he heard shouts close to him, muffled as the noise bounced off the wooden revetments.

Levi turned a corner and could hear much more clearly. To his left, down the zigzagging corridor of earth was where the nearest struggle was going on. His feet thudded heavily against the ground as he made his way there.

Emerging around the final bend revealed a group of soldiers brawling with each other, differing uniform colors blending in the gloom of evening. Levi approached on weightless feet, dodging in and instantly identifying the different cuts of clothing, the contrasting issued equipment. He grabbed the collar of the nearest opponent and threw him away from the man he had been grappling with. The foreign soldier rolled and skidded across the ground, dazed by the impact.

He slipped down in between another pair and rose up with a quick uppercut to the jaw of a blond man that was built like a heavyweight boxer. The man appeared more shocked by Levi’s sudden appearance than the jarring hit to his face. He stumbled back a few feet, nearly falling. Levi glanced around and saw Erd, a soldier he was actually in charge of, fending off a ridiculously tall, young brunet that looked too terrified to even wear army fatigues.

Levi dashed over, dropped down, and knocked the giant off his feet with a strong sweep of his leg. He was surprised when he jumped back up to see the blond from earlier grab the arm of the tall kid and drag him back to the edge of the trench.

He would have pursued the two, but another man appeared in his way, swinging an arm up. It was after grabbing his wrist and redirecting the blow that Levi realized that man was gripping a knife. A quick hit to his solar plexus had him doubling over, gasping for lost breath. By that time, the younger two soldiers had escaped over the top of the revetments.

A clap of gunfire from his side made his ears ring. The shot dropped a man who had tried to charge Erd with his bayonet. He glanced over, unimpressed with the buzzing in his ears at Auruo, who still held the rifle snugly against his shoulder. There were five bodies clogging up the narrow trench, one of their own, a soldier Levi didn’t recognize, and four wearing enemy uniforms. It was bad luck on their opponents’ parts that they had ambushed the spot where Levi’s squad was. 

Eren wasn’t here, though.

An echo of a gunshot tearing through the air alerted him to the fact that fighting was still going on in other areas. He was off before his squad members could say a word to him.  
Levi was halfway there before the sounds of the skirmish died out.

His hopes floundered and sank as he stumbled forward, suddenly drained. He weaved through the zippered path of the trench, swinging around a bend when he nearly ran into a solid body.

A flash of wide green, bright even in the dim light of fading day, had Levi stopping stupidly. Eren looked panicked, fight or flight clearly warring in his mind the instant before Levi fisted a hand in the front of his uniform and pulled him into a small, half-constructed traverse. Eren struggled, fighting back. They grappled for a moment, Eren gripping the arm that grabbed him and reaching up to grasp at Levi’s collar. Eren always liked to pick fights he couldn’t win. 

Levi spent a few seconds swaying against Eren’s force, shifting his feet, tensing his legs, before he outright lifted the younger soldier a foot off the ground and shoved him harshly against the newly built revetment.

He was suddenly furious, and by the anxious look that quickly spread across Eren’s face, the younger soldier knew it.

“Where the hell have you been?” he growled out, shoving more forcefully against the younger man. 

Eren’s eyes sparked, never knowing when to back down, before he ground out, “None of your business!”

Levi narrowed his gaze, something in him unravelling. White hot anger was surging through his body and he threw a punch into the rough cut lumber shoring up the earth next to Eren’s head. The wood cracked loudly and splintered as his hand forced its way through. Dirt loosened and cascaded down in a soft rush around his imbedded fist.

Eren snapped his head to the side, eyes painfully wide as he took in the arm millimeters from the end of his nose, but Levi didn’t move his glare from the other’s face.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” It was spoken so lowly that it was almost difficult to hear. Eren’s head pivoted back to meet his gaze.

“I needed time to think.” It was gruff, irritated.

“How slowly do you think?!”

“I had to figure a few things out,” Eren insisted, his features morphing into an angry pout. He was avoiding eye contact.

“Like what?” Levi’s agitation was not abating any. He pulled his hand free of the wall, but not knowing what else to do with it, he let it drop to his side.

“Like what this is!” Eren cried, releasing his hold on Levi’s collar to wave his hand desperately between them.

Suddenly the pinned soldier looked defeated.

“I… I realized that I found you…attractive… you know, physically and...”

Eren paused.

Levi stared at him hard, knowing there was more but wasn’t quite sure where else this was going.

The young man took a breath and continued, determined, “I thought maybe it wasn’t just you. That maybe other guys… so I decided to… find out.”

Levi felt his gut twist harshly. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

It must have shown on his face because Eren’s voice hardened like sharpened steel.

“I don’t belong to you.”

Levi couldn’t keep the rasp out of his voice, “I know.”

Eren broke their gaze at that, looking pained.

“I found someone who was interested and we tried some things and I didn’t even mind that he was a guy,” the younger soldier admitted lowly, “but then he wanted to do more and I…” Eren threw his head back, hitting it against the revetment behind him, then did it again once, twice more, before staring up at the darkening sky above.

Levi wasn’t breathing anymore. He couldn’t even focus his vision. Knowing someone else in this camp had their hands on Eren, their mouth, had held him… he couldn’t think straight. Red seeped into the corners of his vision, thunder was in his ears. He was going to find out who this soldier was and then he was going to… 

“I couldn’t,” Eren said finally.

There was a half pause before that sank in.

Levi’s grip loosened before falling away entirely. His arm seemed like a detached thing, separate from him. 

Anger was shoved out of his system by some strange combination of surprise and relief. He stared and something dangerously like hope stuttered to life deep inside him, small and weak.

The younger soldier suddenly looked distressed, bottom lip caught between teeth and eyes scrunching up painfully.

“Fuck, what’d you do to me?” Eren asked, anguished as his hands flew up and sank into his own hair, fingertips pressing hard into his own skull. His head jerked down, face drawn like he was about to lose it as looked helplessly at Levi, like the older man had some sort of answer.

He didn’t.

Instead, he stepped forward, his arms instantly around Eren, gathering him up, clutching him urgently to his chest. He breathed in the scent of the younger man, astonished to find the other soldier was shaking.

“Hush,” he said, reaching up with one hand to gently disentangle one of Eren’s hands from mussed brown hair, placing it instead on his own shoulder. Levi wrapped his arm back around the younger man, then raised his other hand to take Eren’s left and place it on his right shoulder.

Eren’s hands slipped down slightly to grip at Levi’s triceps instead, silent tremors wracking through him.

It was fully dark by the time Eren spoke again.

“Levi, I’m not in love with you.”

Levi shut his eyes and took in a lungful, feeling like his heart was splitting apart into useless shards. They stabbed into him as he exhaled, “I know.”

He turned his face into Eren’s neck and took a moment to just breathe. He couldn’t help but want. As much as it cut into him, leaving him bloodied and broken, he wanted. A second later he released the younger man and walked back towards the entrance to the traverse.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said. He meant it.

“I know.”

-

Sleep hadn’t come easily, and Levi had only managed to catch a couple hours in a chair in Erwin’s bunker. The commander hadn’t said a word about it.

It was morning after a blink of his eyes. He came awake with stiff muscles and an aching hand. A tired glance showed dried blood on his knuckles, presumably from punching through the board the previous night. He had closed his eyes then to steady himself as the memories played through his head again.

With a heavy sigh he got up and began methodically brewing coffee on the little oil heater in the bunker, he had been operating on muscle memory. The blond officer had woken up with the noise, head lifting from its place on a pile of documents he had fallen asleep on while reading. The man began looking for his mug, but otherwise said nothing to Levi, seeming to know that he was not up for conversation.

Once the coffee was brewed and poured, Levi stepped outside, momentarily blinded by the sun that was overly bright, giving the world around him stark edges. He breathed in pleasantly cool air, heard birds chirping somewhere close by, and noted that summer was almost over. 

Despite everything, Levi had found himself unable to break from tradition. He swallowed sharply, then slowly made his way to the tucked away corner of the trenches that he used to meet Eren at. He still carried two tins of steaming coffee, only one of which was going to be consumed. 

Levi was exhausted from his weary body through to his battered soul. His footsteps seemed unusually heavy, his whole body had the sensation like it had been filled with liquid cement while he slept. Now it was slowly hardening.

Levi felt like he was torturing himself. 

He kept walking anyway.

A few minutes later he rounded the last corner and froze.

Eren stood there, looking as tired and worn as Levi was, covered in yesterday’s grime with a fresh scrape above one eyebrow from who knows what. His uniform was rumpled, the cuffs ragged. His hair needed a cut. A thin layer of dirt stained his skin.

He was flawless.

The expression Eren wore was troubled and he had the decency to look guilty as he spoke, “I’m not sure I can give it up.”

Two clangs sounded from somewhere a million paces away and Levi felt something hot splash the legs of his uniform as he started towards the startled man.

“You dropped the coffee.”

“We can get more,” Levi exhaled as he reached him, hands sliding up to the back of the younger soldier’s head as he pressed his mouth against Eren’s, reacquainting. Suddenly his heart started beating again, swelling through every corner of his chest. He didn’t know when it had stopped. He felt like he couldn’t hold enough of the younger man. It was an instant, an eternity later that he pulled away.

“Levi… I…”

“Shut up. Don’t ruin it.” 

He leaned in again, eyes sliding shut, breathing already a forgotten thing as he pressed their lips together. Eren hesitated, then quickly rose his arms to slide over Levi’s shoulders, and kissed back achingly.

Levi couldn’t care about anything else other than the man in his arms. Tomorrow didn’t matter. Whether the war killed them or they were separated by its end were distant thoughts. Levi didn’t mind if he had to fight a thousand Mikasas or nameless soldiers who would put their filthy questing hands on Eren’s skin. In that moment, he had no obstacles.

There was a breath between them.

“I’m sorry,” Eren whispered, apologizing for every hurt, for his selfishness now as he nipped at Levi’s lower lip. His hands were insistent and anxious as they slid over Levi’s clothes, memorizing the shape of him.

“Don’t be,” Levi replied, pushing forward, desperate. His mouth landed on Eren’s, tongue sliding in as he kissed him feverishly, endlessly. He had forgiven Eren of any transgression, any wrong the instant he had rounded that corner and saw him standing there, waiting for him.

He couldn’t worry about the future when he had now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, this is a happier ending that I originally planned for this story. There will be one more part to this series, a one-shot, I had planned that from the start, but it's even more necessary now because there are a few things I need to wrap up that didn't have a place in this story. Like Mikasa, because of course she'd follow Eren.
> 
> Also, if it clarifies the actions of the characters for anyone, I was writing this with the mentality that Levi is gay, and has fully accepted that. Eren is bisexual and lives in a time period when homosexuality is illegal in many European countries. He's in denial.
> 
> Finally, if anyone was wondering, the waitress from the previous chapter was meant to be Sasha and the two enemy soldiers from the raid in this chapter were Reiner and Bertolt.


End file.
